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Dean Takahashi Has a History of Sucking At Games


Dean Takahashi, that guy that took way more time to complete the Cuphead tutorial than he should is actually bad at gaming from the beginning. In 2007 he gave Mass Effect (a game he named Mass Defect) a bad review because he didn’t know characters level up in the game while also stating that KOTR is a good example of a game with primitive gameplay and AVERAGE GRAPHICS.

The reignited debate about game critics should still be open because game critics aren’t always good at games and that’s bad in so many ways. This review from 2007 written by Dean Takahashi is a perfect example. How can you say something is bad just because you have no idea how to use it?

This infamous review, published and removed by Mercury News, was titled Mass Defect: Why Mass Effect falls short of its hype but thanks to we can still have a look at it. It’s a long read so to save you some time here are some amazing quotes from that review.

Then, when you’re shooting at a target, an orange box appears as the one and only place on that target where you can actually hit them with a mass bullet.

Really Dean? This mechanic newer worked as Dan described it. You could shoot anywhere you like, just cause less damage.


While the KOTOR game play was more primitive and graphically average

REALLY Dean? The most polished game of its time? I don’t even want to get started with the primitive game play…

With a shotgun or an assault rifle, it takes me around 15 shots to take out the Asari, and then you have to take out the Thorian Creepers who come at you in waves afterward. The only way you can really get these many hits on them is to shoot them when they aren’t looking. And yes, that happens quite often if they are facing the cannon fodder. These Thorian Creeper guys are zombies who actually vomit at you. I was already almost out of grenades and health by the time they came at me. And then they make the guns so that they overheat — yep — about every 14 shots. You doing the math? So you have to shoot in a reserved, haphazard fashion when you’re taking out four or five enemies.

I can’t say that I remember the game that good but the way he describes the Thorian encounter it sounds like he just plain sucks at the game – or at least doesn’t understand how to take advantage of cover, squad commands, and weapon mods.

Mister Takahashi didn’t realize that Mass Effect was an RPG first and a Shooter second. That same guy is still a game critic, he tells you first-hand if a game sucks or not but how can you trust a man who is actually bad at gaming?

This brings us back to the game critics debate. From our point of view, game critics HAVE to be good at games or at least have extended knowledge about the game they are reviewing. If you are good at writing it doesn’t mean you can write about almost anything in the world. The Cuphead gameplay just confirmed that Dan isn’t very into gaming and if he actually played some he would know how to use a dash.




  1. You'renotthecentreoftheuniverse

    September 7, 2017 at 10:18 pm

    A reviewer doesn’t have to be ANYTHING but an opinion. It’s your job as a reader to search for and identify a reviewer who’s opinions you agree with. This guy’s voice isn’t right for you but that doesn’t make him a bad reviewer. All it means is that he would be better suited for a gamer who might also suck at playing games.

    Just because someone doesn’t fit your requirements it doesn’t mean that they aren’t serving a purpose. They’re just not serving your ones.

    • Fez

      September 7, 2017 at 10:43 pm

      Everyone can have an opinion, but not every opinion is worth sharing. Why give someone who is completely inadequate a wide platform? What sort of purpose are they fulfilling by being mediocre at a genre they don’t particularly enjoy? If a reviewer who enjoys tactical shooters is given the task of reviewing a sports sim despite not enjoying the genre, why should that review be given a voice?

      • You'renotthecentreoftheuniverse

        September 7, 2017 at 11:35 pm

        Because it’s the Internet. This is the golden age of voices and a person’s voice should not be stifled unless it is inciting hatred. In previous eras and older days when resources were limited and platforms few it would make sense to weed out the redundant and inexperienced so that an opinion wasn’t “wasted”. But nowadays that just isn’t the case. There exists an overabundance of services, reviewers, and opinions that all meet our particular niches. Trimming a small group of reviewers that don’t fall within your needs ends up depriving someone else who might benefit from Dean Takahashi’s mediocre experiences.

        The way I see it is that his existence isn’t hurting mine or yours. He isn’t the reviewer for me and so move on and source my information and opinions from different websites. Because that’s the freedom the Internet offers, I can just go elsewhere if I don’t like the content.

        • Jake

          September 8, 2017 at 5:07 am

          There’s a problem with the idea of “opinions can’t be wrong”, though. True, you can’t argue that someone else’s tastes and preferences are “wrong,” but it’s definitely possible to argue that an opinion is UNFOUNDED.

          For example, let’s say I had only ever heard one band in my entire life, say…Hoobastank. Since they’re the only band I know, I confidently claim that Hoobastank is the best band in the entire world. Now, you can’t argue that I think that Hoobastank is the best band in the world. But you can argue that in order for my opinion to have any weight, I should really listen to more bands and THEN formulate an opinion.

          Dean is PAID to provide his opinion on video games for the purpose of enlightening other gamers about whether or not they should purchase the game. The problem is that if he doesn’t understand the game in the first place, his opinion is rather unfounded. So in the end, he’s not providing the service he’s supposed to: providing clear and accurate reason why some may or may not want to spend their money on a particular game.

        • samx

          September 8, 2017 at 4:41 pm

          Here’s the thing, a doctor’s opinion on how to work a car engine is nearly useless just like a mechanic’s medical opinion is nearly useless. Same thing with this reviewer, his opinion is nearly useless to the vast majority of gamers. Your argument that his opinion is useful to non-gamers like him are silly, most of those people aren’t going to bother with reviews, and even if they do they’re going to go look for opinions from an established entity. Maybe this guy writes for one of them, but non-gamers are not going to seek out his opinion because they don’t know it exists, again making his reviews nearly pointless.

          The fact that this guy gets paid to be in an industry he does not care for is silly.

          • Depps

            September 8, 2017 at 6:12 pm

            Not to mention his reviews don’t seem to be labeled “for non-gamers” or anything like that, they’re just presented as reviews. If the specific purpose was to reach out to people who don’t play games much, then make it 100% clear that is the intent, and write the review with that demographic in mind. I think that would actually work and be a niche review style… but that also would need someone who has very basic understanding of core concept behind games – not good at them but still can provide accurate information for the reader- which Dean Takahashi clearly doesn’t have

        • Amebix

          October 3, 2017 at 11:10 pm

          “Because it’s the Internet”

          Ahh but you see Dean is not just some “random voice” or some schmo with a youtube channel.
          He’s been in PRINT before he started on the internet.
          Dean Takahashi writes/wrote for a NEWSPAPER and is considered the “tech review” guy.
          The guy has some clout and he knows this, which is why he wrote an apology(to bioware, Microsoft and others) after the Mass Effect review, knowing the impact it would have on sales.
          I’m not going to trust a beer critic who’s favorite type of beer is anything with the words “Lite” or “Beerbong” in it…

          If you do not understand core game play mechanics then this will sway your opinion on the game itself.
          This is why when you read gaming reviews in big published mags they will have different types of people reviewing who are rather good or enjoy a very specific genre of games. You’re not going to throw a Paradox Interactive game like Crusader Kings II to a reviewer who’s main type of games to play are sports related.

    • Medceplor

      September 7, 2017 at 10:52 pm

      Can’t review books if you’re illiterate.

      • You'renotthecentreoftheuniverse

        September 7, 2017 at 11:43 pm

        “A Clockwork Orange’s first edition cover has a rather stylistic and graphic image of a screaming person. This book could be dealing with the fractured psychology of human nature or it could be about a person struggling to comprehend the title ‘A Clockwork Orange’. I don’t really know, since I am illiterate and I’m getting my secretary to write this all down for me as I dictate, but the book’s cover does look aesthetically pleasing next to my Dali sketches and I think I’d be a nice decorative item to own for the right collector.”

        Definitely niche, but if I was an illiterate person who was interested in buying a book, then I’d rather listen to the opinions of another illiterate person who shares my experiences over a university professor who would think that I’d be better served starting off with ‘Catch-22’.


      September 7, 2017 at 10:57 pm

      Shut your whore mouth you cunt. 8===D

      • You'renotthecentreoftheuniverse

        September 7, 2017 at 11:46 pm

        Mate it’s better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. If you’re not willing to have a proper and intelligent dialogue then you’d be better served going into the comment section of YouTube and scream into the void there.

        • Paul

          September 8, 2017 at 12:27 pm

          Stop shilling. He is supposed to be a professional writer specialising in gaming media despite knowing nothing about them, or having any relevant skills.

    • BOBDYALNad

      September 7, 2017 at 11:22 pm

      This is like saying “It’s okay to review books if you can’t read. It helps others that can’t read.”

      • You'renotthecentreoftheuniverse

        September 7, 2017 at 11:55 pm

        If I was an illiterate person who was interested in purchasing books then I would rather listen to the opinions of another illiterate person who has shared my experiences.

        Think of it like this: you seek out the opinions that service you the best where you’re at. When I was looking at buying my first rouge-like I went to reviewers who had never played rogue-likes before because I knew that I would have similar experiences as them. I wanted to know from them if it was a genre that I could grow into. After some years I’ve found myself moving on from those reviewers as I’ve grown better at the genre. All because their opinions don’t suit my needs anymore and I need reviewers who share similar experience levels with me.

        If I was as uncoordinated as Dean Takahashi then I would be served greatly by his hilarious play through of the Cuphead demo as I’d know immediately that I would be crushed by that game and I might want to cut my teeth on something simpler first to get my skills up to a place where I could have fun at the game.

        • Grifter

          September 8, 2017 at 5:09 am

          I see the point you’re trying to make but it’s somewhat flawed. Reading the Mass Effect review I don’t see him saying that he might be bad at the game or that he might not know enough about it. He blames his failings on the game and proceeds to criticize it. In your rogue-like example the reviewers must of have admitted they didn’t know much about the game type in order for you to know that. Dean doesn’t do that. He struggles at the game and then blames the game, not his ability to play it. That’s not a fair or accurate review of the game. If every one of his reviews came with a video of his game play then readers could decide if his skill level matches their own. By not disclosing his lack of skill or lack of understanding of what he’s reviewing his reviews are disingenuous at best.

    • You're an Idiot

      September 8, 2017 at 12:56 pm

      I can’t wait to give advice on health like I’m a doctor but with no experience or being good at the job. But it’s not my fault if you die, It’s your fault for not finding out the information yourself.

    • Yousuckatgames

      September 8, 2017 at 1:03 pm

      Are you actually the reviewer hiding behind your name? The guy is awful at reviewing games. How can you review how good something is AS A WHOLE if you can’t even perform the task?

    • Luke

      September 8, 2017 at 5:08 pm

      Read the comments on the archive of his Mass Effect review. One commenter based their decision to purchase the game on his opinion. Regardless of whether or not it’s the reader’s responsibility to find a reviewer whose opinions you agree with, the fact is that this reviewer gave a game a bad review because he didn’t understand HOW to play the game and this resulted in at least one person considering not purchasing the game.

      A reviewer doesn’t HAVE to be great at video games, but they should at least be slightly able to UNDERSTAND how to play a game before they form an opinion. It’s clear that Dean didn’t know how to play Mass Effect, and he doesn’t know how to play Cuphead; and from watching his Cuphead gameplay video, he doesn’t know how to adapt and learn from the obstacles he’s presented with. Sharing his opinion on games he can’t play properly is fine, but the point is that he should not be getting paid to share his opinion on these games as regardless of how you feel about him as a reviewer, his opinion is likely to influence potential players’ decisions on whether or not to purchase the game.

    • Goddammityourewrong

      September 9, 2017 at 4:22 pm

      “A reviewer doesn’t have to be ANYTHING but an opinion”

      That’s factual wrong. An opinion, without a fundation, is as valid and useful as a pile of dust. A review is not simply an opinion, it’s an EDUCATED opinion. A proper reviewer knows the field he’s working in and can recognize properly if a product is valid or not, regardless of his or her ability and skills. And therefore, Takahashi “i cannot beat this game, i’ll give it a bad score, waaaah” is no reviewer. At best, he should be considered a journalist. At worst, a
      medium sized blogger
      Yet he’s recognized and paid as something he’s not, mostly thanks to connections, and definitevely not for his work. This is wrong. He’s the wrong man in the wrong place, doing nothing but damage to the industry. He, as well as any other journos that took his side, should be only fired and cast away.

    • Paulo Vicente

      September 11, 2017 at 9:25 pm

      I want to buy a car. Should I trust the opinion regarding a specific car from someone who can’t drive?

  2. CDot

    September 8, 2017 at 9:41 am

    “This mechanic newer worked as Dan described it.”
    “You could shoot anywhere you like just cause less damage.”
    “I can’t say that I remember the game that good…”

    Jesus fucking christ. If you’re going to trash someone for being shit at their job, at least try not to be complete shit at yours.

    Editing, motherfucker. DO IT.

    • Anthony

      September 8, 2017 at 12:27 pm

      Exactly this. People in glass houses…

  3. James

    September 8, 2017 at 3:55 pm

    “This mechanic newer worked as Dan described it. You could shoot anywhere you like, just cause less damage.”
    You could shoot anywhere you like, it just caused less damage.
    Don’t change the tense of your argument mid sentence.

    “I can’t say that I remember the game that good”

    Are you a child?
    Proofread my friend, or have someone do it before you go blasting someone on the internet.

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